The one aspect of motherhood that has surprised me most since becoming a mother is the guilt I feel nearly always. The guilt creeps in almost every day just after I have put the kids to bed and I am surrounded by silence. It seems to be the few minutes that my day stops and I can just be... The guilt is always there, but I am too busy to really feel it. In these few silent moments it consumes me... Then life begins again. The phone rings, the dog barks, life continues and the moment passes. Lost, until tomorrow...
I feel guilty that I didn't play enough today.
I feel guilty because I yelled.
I feel guilty because Madison does not get near as much one on one as Anthony once did.
I feel guilty that Anthony no longer has my undivided attention.
I feel guilty because I was on the phone instead of on the floor with them.
I feel guilty because I didn't read "Goodnight Moon" the twelfth time even though Anthony begged me too.
I feel guilty because they didn't eat enough veggies.
I feel guilty because i did not fully appreciate every single moment.
When I feel this guilt, I just want to run upstairs grab both of my babies, hold them tight and live in the moment.... Each night I vow that I will be better. Then, the day begins and it is more of the same. I strive to be perfect, but perfection is not possible. I know I do my best, but I often feel that it is not enough...
Guilt. This is what has surprised me most since becoming a mother.
7 thoughts:
Try not to focus on things you aren't doing. Instead, remember all of the things that you ARE doing with your children that are shaping them. Every mother feels some sort of guilt. I feel it too--even as the mother of only one child. You're a WONDERFUL mother Staci! Love you girl!!!!!
I agree totally with Sara. Our kid/kids won't remember the things you didn't do but rather the things you did do. They will remember the 11 times you read Goodnight Moon and not the one time you didn't read it. They will remember all the times you played on the floor, etc. You are an amazing mommy and they will love you forever. Don't be so hard on yourself. I know guilt is a very hard thing to not have, but look at how they are growing up into two sweet adorable beings. That didn't happen just by chance. You were involved with that process. And yes, we ALL need a break so it is ok to talk on the phone. No guilt!
You love them with everything you are. Don't ever let that guilt take over. We could all do more and more and more, but there just isn't enough time for any of it. Like they say it isn't the quantity of time you spend with them but the quality. That 11 times of Goodnight Moon was a lot but I bet each time you read it you read it with just as much enthusiam as the first time you have EVER read it to him :) Because you are THAT kind of a mom. I haven't known you as long as the others have, but in that time I have come to find you are a loving, caring mom who TREASURES each moment with her kids. It is okay to talk on the phone or do something for yourself. I need to follow that same advice too.
Ditto what everyone else has said. You're a great mommy!!!!
I could have written this post. Seriously. When I had my first daughter I was shocked at how guilty I felt because I didn't talk to her constantly when we were at home or I didn't co-sleep or I started her on solids at 5 months instead of 6...it's and endless list it seems. I have two daughters now and it's not any better!
I think (hope) that if we weren't good mothers we wouldn't feel this guilty because we wouldn't care!
Found you on OSB - great job on yesterday's weigh in!
AWWW you guys are so sweet, but really I wasn't trying to get some pats... though, I am loving the love :). I am just surprised by how much guilt mothers feel. All mothers. We all try our best, but we never feel as if its enough... All of your insights are right on. I think every mother needs to remember them! :)
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